There was a lingering sense of arrogance and ego that was beginning to weaken, and it was saying, "It's probably better if I don't exist," in a sad voice, and then fading away. At that point, there was still a slight separation between the ego and the heart chakra (heart center), as if they were separate entities within the same body.

In response to the ego's sad words, the higher self's consciousness, residing in the heart chakra, gently said, "That's not true. Just as we need a physical body to live in this physical world, we need the ego to connect our higher self to the body and live this reality according to our will."

In reality, both the ego and the higher self exist within oneself, and they are not external entities. However, the higher self's consciousness, which strongly resides in the heart chakra, is positioned slightly outside of it, as if attached to it, and the ego exists in that outer space (although it is within the body).

In the past, things didn't go smoothly because the ego was assertive and some arrogance remained. It should have been the higher self leading the way, and things would have gone much more smoothly. The more one realizes this, the more the ego feels like it is an unwanted presence, and it begins to say sad things as mentioned above.

However, the higher self accepts the ego, just as it accepts the physical body. This is because the ego is also necessary for the higher self. In the past, the ego's assertiveness obscured the higher self's consciousness like a membrane. Although this membrane has gradually thinned, it still existed to some extent. That part, which was like a membrane (and is literally a membrane in cases of strong ego), remained around the higher self as a slight sense of separation.

When the ego withdraws and says, "I'll leave it to you," the higher self accepts it, and then the ego doesn't disappear, but rather it is absorbed into the higher self and becomes one, creating a state where the ego seems to exist and not exist at the same time.

The feelings of arrogance and ego probably still exist to some extent, but at least from the perspective of separation, they seem to have already been integrated with the higher self. The perspective is now primarily that of the higher self, and the ego "accepts" that, leading to the "absorption" of the ego by the higher self.

■I don't understand the "surrender" in spiritual terminology.

When the ego remains, it may be possible to talk about "surrendering" it to something else, such as higher dimensions or the higher self. However, in reality, it is not like that. "Surrender" implies that there are two entities, and one is giving something to the other. However, the higher self is also part of oneself, so it is more accurate to say that the ego is absorbed into the higher self.

In yoga, the pure consciousness is called Purusha, and it is defined as a state close to enlightenment to become pure consciousness (Purusha).

In Vedanta, the true self is either Atman (individual perspective) or Brahman (universal perspective), and they are considered the same, differing only in perspective.

The higher self can be considered equivalent to Purusha or Atman (although there may be dissenting opinions in some schools of thought). In that case, the process of the ego being absorbed into the higher self can be described as the ego becoming aware of itself and realizing that Purusha or Atman is the true self, and then surrendering. However, in reality, the ego and the higher self were not separate from the beginning; they were one. The ego was simply mistaken and behaving as if it were something else, which caused things to not go smoothly. However, when in a state of separation, even though Purusha and Atman are the same, the ego has a slightly skewed aura.

This skewed state of the ego is called Avidya (ignorance) in Vedanta, and it is the state where the ego is mistaken and believes itself to be the true self, when in reality it is Purusha or Atman. In such a state, there is a recognition that the ego, which is an illusion, is "surrendering." However, since there was no separation from the beginning, the concept of "surrender" itself is an illusion.

Although it is an illusion, in the initial stages, it seems to start with "surrender," and in the end, the ego is "absorbed" into the higher self. However, once that happens, there is no longer "surrender" or "absorption," but only the higher self. The higher self already contains the ego that has been absorbed and integrated, but since it is integrated, there is no longer (a sense of) "surrender" or "absorption" based on separation.

When you reach this state, things like "transfer" in spiritual terms become unclear.
I understand what it means intellectually and through memory, but it's just that kind of thing.

■After the ego is absorbed, self-awareness as the higher self emerges.
I even thought that perhaps this is what Christ meant by the Trinity, but I'm not familiar with Christianity, so it might be different.

In reality, I've experienced similar states several times, or perhaps even more. However, in those times, there seemed to be a gap between the ego and the higher self. Gradually, that gap has been filled, and this time, the ego was absorbed into the higher self. In the previous state, the ego was outside the higher self and sometimes dominated consciousness (even though it was smaller). However, after this time, while the ego itself still exists to some extent, all of it is enveloped by the higher self, and it feels like the ego within the higher self is moving. This is similar, but it's a big difference. It also means that, without even consciously realizing it, the higher self has become dominant in normal, everyday consciousness.

Even before, the awareness of the higher self emerged, but the higher self and the ego were still slightly separated. However, in this state, because the ego has been absorbed into the higher self, the ego exists to some extent, but the higher self is dominant, and self-awareness as the higher self has gradually emerged.

I think it's not about focusing on one thing, but initially, I just felt it as a consciousness of creation, destruction, and maintenance deep within my chest. Then, gradually, self-awareness as the higher self emerged.

I read something by Professor Honzan that said that self-awareness doesn't appear immediately after a mystical experience, but usually emerges gradually over several years. This might be like that.

Initially, there was only self-awareness as a divine consciousness deep within my chest, and that was mixed with the fear of the ego disappearing and the comfort of surrendering to the divine consciousness.

Now, the ego has become aware and has (so to speak) "transferred" to the higher self. However, from the perspective of the higher self, it's not a transfer, but rather an absorption, and as a result, the awareness of the higher self becomes more apparent, and self-awareness as the higher self gradually emerges.