Recently, even though it's rare, sometimes old, painful memories unexpectedly resurface. Now, it's only seen once clearly, and after that playback ends, it's as if it's completely forgotten. I can barely remember what I was thinking just a few minutes or a dozen minutes ago, and my memory of the past has become very clear. I can tell that I was remembering something, but I can hardly remember what specifically I was remembering. The replay of past memories happens only once.

A while ago, it was more like it would replay a little and then be forgotten. But now, it mostly happens only once, and at most, for a few times or within about 20 minutes, various related things are remembered, and then it's completely forgotten. Whether it's considered "once" depends on the perspective. Of course, saying "once" is an exaggeration. When we look at the replay of memories in detail, it can be seen from various angles. So, it's not that it happens only once from the same angle, but rather, the same topic is replayed multiple times, for example, less than 10 times, from different angles. And after seeing everything, I'm satisfied, and that's it.

A long time ago, especially decades ago, traumatic images and memories repeated over and over again for days, weeks, or months, forcing me to experience extreme tension and conflict, almost like depression.

About 10 years ago, it still repeated to some extent.
About 5 years ago, the number of repetitions decreased, but it still happened.

Until recently, there were still repetitions, but the frequency was significantly reduced.

Now, even though memories sometimes resurface, the time I feel painful emotions is relatively short, and it ends quickly. Even if it's a painful memory, a memory that was once traumatic, after somewhat re-experiencing that painful state in my mind, it eventually disappears.

If you call it "letting go," that's right. If you call it "healing," that's right too. There are various ways to put it, but it's surprising that even now, the last remaining part of painful emotions associated with those memories, the remnants of this kind of trauma, still exist. I think it might be an attachment. But when those painful emotions, especially when they well up in the stomach area and I feel a buzzing sensation, I intend to say, "I release this," and it happens accordingly. Those old emotions are from old memories that have been repeated hundreds, thousands, or even tens of thousands of times. Therefore, those old emotions are no longer needed, so I declare that I will release them.

And, in reality, that is exactly what happens. There is always something to learn from these kinds of conflicts, but after countless repetitions of the memory, the learning is complete, and the unnecessary memory is released.

For example, the learning might be something like this:
・Not accepting other people's values. Refusing to accept other people's (selfish) (judgments and impressions of me) (that I) (unintentionally) accept.
・Eliminating the state of being "careless."
・(For example, classmates who have ridiculed me repeatedly) are too vulgar to be worth my attention, and I have no value in (retaliating and) insulting them (if I retaliate and insult them, I will also fall to their level). There are countless vulgar people in the world, and it is important to associate with people who are not your equal.
・I don't need to be upset for the sake of people who ridicule me. (There is no value in me being upset for such people). (There is no need to do anything for such people. There are people in the world who are not worth me being upset for). Even a slight interaction is a waste, let alone taking the time to be upset for those people. (These people are living in a vulgar world, ridiculing others, and living beyond their means. They can live as they please, but they should not involve me.)

And so on. The memory that resurfaced yesterday was from a math class in high school, involving a teacher and classmates who ridiculed me. Because there is no value in interacting with such people, this happens.

・The learning, I remember, was something like this. (Reaffirming past learning along with the memory).
・Now that I have learned, I will "release" this old memory. I declare it, and in reality, it happens.

There is always something to learn from one's past actions, and once the learning is complete, the various painful emotions associated with old memories can be released.