The reason for this is that, for me, service is associated with a certain trauma. When I was young, I was involved in environmental activities and NGO activities for about five years. During that time, I saw organizations where people used environmental activities and NGO work as a source of self-esteem (pride), as a means to gain influence, or as a mere dishonest way to get others to work for free (as volunteers). There were also organizations that operated based on a hierarchy of "those who act are superior." I felt that such organizations were ridiculous, and I saw quite a few people who were controlling others under the guise of environmentalism, and people who lived luxurious lives, driving large-emission cars like Mercedes-Benz and frequently visiting villas, while always preaching about the environment to others. There were also people who were simply using the environment as an excuse to sell things. As a result, I came to understand that service activities were a collection of hypocrisy, and I no longer wanted to be involved in environmental activities, NGOs, or NPOs.
There was a structure where people were using the words "environment," "NGO," and "NPO" simply for exploitation, exploiting the motivation of others and engaging in "motivation exploitation," and using young people as disposable resources. In such organizations, people in developing countries, slums, the poor, and people with disabilities were used for a certain period of time by volunteers who came with pure intentions, and then they were discarded. The volunteers would be disillusioned and leave, and the people involved would deceive themselves by telling themselves that "it's not like that." I saw many such people, and I was one of them to some extent. Because of these experiences, I had a trauma-like feeling that I should not be involved in service activities.
However, my trauma has been largely resolved, and such experiences have become just one memory. Furthermore, recently, as my meditation has deepened and my samadhi has increased, the proportion of feelings related to service has been increasing. However, I am not involved in the "obvious" forms of service activities that are common in the world, due to the experiences I mentioned above. Nevertheless, I am exploring different forms of service in terms of my feelings.
Spiritual service activities.
Ultimately, even if you physically help someone, it may help them in the short term, but it doesn't benefit the other person in the long term. There may be long-term physical assistance, but more importantly, I think the most important thing is spiritual guidance.Therefore, when I was young, I was interested in easy-to-understand service activities and social activities. These activities are important in human society, but I think that such activities only gain meaning when they have a foundation of spiritual service.
Many of the people I met when I was young were materialists, and many people ridiculed spirituality, saying things like, "Feelings and emotions are unnecessary; Excel will save the world." Surprisingly, many people thought that service was just a mechanical activity. On the other hand, many people were approaching it from an emotional perspective, and it seemed that the two were separated.
What I understand now is that service activities without spirituality are almost meaningless, and even if they seem to be helpful, they are only borrowing the authority of others. This is what I call a "false light." In the industry, there are many people who use the efforts of others to increase their own authority, and they are actually the majority. The United Nations' aid, as I wrote before, is a system in which they create a situation of artificial scarcity in a world that is inherently abundant, and then provide aid to accumulate authority and make it easier to control. Local environmental activities, NGOs, and NPO activities are a microcosm of this, where even in familiar settings, there is a pattern of people engaging in some form of service activity to accumulate authority for leaders and organizations, making it easier to control people. Those who can become useful pawns in such activities often go on to work for the United Nations and accumulate greater authority, serving as a small training ground for those who want to be active on a larger stage. In this system, ordinary people are often exploited and then discarded. While there are various types of participants, and some are truly admirable, the core of the organization is a system for accumulating authority and controlling people. This is not necessarily a bad thing; it is simply how the world works.
On the other hand, there is also the feeling of wanting to serve. This feeling of wanting to serve does not necessarily lead to action, and it is not necessarily measured by action.
Even organizations that appear to be providing "false light" study ethics and logic, so the same things can be said. However, whether they truly understand it is a different matter, and it requires the discernment of the observer to determine whether it is genuine.
I receive permission from within myself to serve.
In any case, in spirituality, the concept of service is not so much related to actions, but rather arises through the deepening of meditation and samadhi (trance). Because it arises through awakening, it is not so much related to how many acts of service one has performed, but rather, excessive activity can even hinder awakening by fostering pride. Therefore, there may be times when it is better not to engage in activities that foster such pride. However, awakening often occurs independently of activity, so there is not much need to be swayed by the clever rhetoric of service organizations and feel obligated to engage in activities. I think it's okay to help within a reasonable range.The feeling of wanting to serve comes relatively later in the spiritual path. It is after one awakens to their own love and begins to feel gratitude, and only then, at the stage of oneness, that the desire to serve arises. Until one awakens to their own love, one only sees themselves and can only think about themselves, but that is fine at first, and in fact, thinking about others from the beginning can hinder spiritual growth. This is because the ego can become inflated with thoughts like, "I have done so much service. I have done so much." Therefore, it is necessary to be careful about this in the beginning. In the beginning, if possible, one should refrain from serving and simply focus on oneself (such as meditation). I think those who can simply focus on themselves are fortunate.
Once one has resolved their own issues, love awakens and feelings of gratitude emerge. It is at this point that the desire to serve begins to emerge, but it is still only a small amount.
After that, as the feelings of love and gratitude, which can be considered oneness, become normal and stable, the desire to serve gradually awakens. Then, one may serve. A spiritual permission to serve is granted. Of course, one can serve even before that if they want to, but before that, it is more of an obligation, a habit, a moral imperative, or a result of persuasion from others, rather than a spiritual permission.
However, there is an inner impulse to serve that is independent of external influences. When one is not spiritually awakened, this impulse is often driven by ego or a desire to gain influence. However, the inner impulse to serve that emerges after spiritual awakening is rooted in love, gratitude, and oneness. It is only at this stage that one awakens to spiritual service.